There’s a particular kind of optimism that arrives with the holiday season.
We imagine everyone gathered around the Thanksgiving table. Candles glowing. Delicious food. Laughter. Stories. Traditions.
Then the relatives arrive.
Someone is late. Someone has an opinion about everything. Someone brings a guest nobody was expecting. Someone makes the stuffing wrong. And someone—you know exactly who—has already started rehashing the election results.
Welcome to the holidays!
We spend a lot of time talking about gratitude this time of year. But I’m wondering if there’s something else we might need right now: a little more room for each other.
Think about the people who might be gathering around your table this Thanksgiving.
The great-aunt who’s getting forgetful and tells the same story for the fourth time.
The daughter who brings home a boyfriend you’re sure isn’t going to be around next Thanksgiving.
The brother-in-law who has an opinion about everything from politics to the proper way to carve a turkey.
The in-laws whose traditions are nothing like yours. (Who puts raisins in stuffing, anyway?)
We all arrive at the Thanksgiving table carrying more than our contribution to the meal. We bring decades of memories, expectations, old arguments, family roles and traditions we think are the right ones.
Your parents may still see you as the teenager who needs their advice. You may still think of your younger sibling as the irresponsible one, despite the fact that they’re now 48 years old and running a successful business.
Sometimes we’re not even reacting to the person sitting across from us; we’re reacting to the person we remember from long ago. And sometimes, we’re so busy wishing people would behave differently that we miss the opportunity to enjoy who they actually are.
So here’s my suggestion for this holiday season: Make Room.
Literally, scoot over and make room at the table. But make room in other ways, too.
Ask your nephew about his new tattoos. Not why he would do that to his body, but what inspired him to choose them.
Ask your grandchild about her first semester at college. Not whether she’s getting good grades or have chosen a practical major, but what she’s discovered about herself.
Get to know your daughter’s new boyfriend. You don’t have to decide whether he’s marriage material before the mashed potatoes are served.
Listen to your great-aunt’s story again. Maybe this time, ask her a question about it that you’ve never asked before.
Replace judgment with curiosity.
Because when we’re curious, we give people room to surprise us. Room to grow. Room to change. Room to be someone different from the person we’ve decided they are.
At our Thanksgiving table, someone always says grace before we begin the meal. This year, I’ve been thinking about what it would look like if we made a little more effort to give grace throughout the day.
Maybe that means listening without interrupting. Offering to help with the dishes without being asked. Or appreciating the enormous amount of work that goes into hosting a holiday gathering, even if the turkey is a little dry.
Here’s one small idea I particularly love: Before you leave your house to head to Thanksgiving dinner, take a moment to write a handwritten thank-you note to your host. Not a text the next morning. An actual note, the day of. Tell them something specific you appreciate about them. Then tuck it somewhere in the kitchen where they’ll discover it after the guests have gone home, the dishes are done and the house is finally quiet. Imagine how lovely that would be to find.
We can’t control who shows up at the Thanksgiving table, what they say, what they bring, or how they carve the turkey.
But we can control what we bring to the gathering.
And I’m not talking about the pumpkin pie.
This Thanksgiving, make room for the people you love, even when loving them isn’t particularly easy.
Make room for the unexpected, the imperfect, and the unfamiliar.
And while someone may say grace before the meal…
Let’s remember to give a little grace, too.
Three Cool Gifts for the Holiday Host
Honoring Grandma’s Recipes
Turn a treasured handwritten recipe into a beautiful, functional keepsake with this personalized tea towel. It's a thoughtful way to celebrate the family traditions that make holiday gatherings so special. Order yours from Etsy here.
Toss These into Your Shopping Cart
These olive wood serving utensils are a beautiful and practical gift for the host who always makes room for one more at the table. These timeless serving pieces will be used to toss salad long after the holiday dishes are put away. Shop Nordstrom’s for these special items.
The Gift That Costs Nothing
Before leaving your holiday gathering, write a heartfelt thank-you note to your host and tuck it somewhere in the kitchen. Imagine the smile when they discover your words of appreciation after the guests have gone home and the house is finally quiet. Sometimes the most meaningful gifts don't cost a thing.
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